My shopping cart

I've got half a tree down in my backyard, part of which destroyed my neighbor's fence. I was in the backyard surveying the damage with the neighbor when eldest daughter announced, as she stood under the dangling limb that hadn't fallen yet, oblivious to my shouted warning, that she'd locked her keys in the car. Which was parked in the middle of the driveway, blocking it, engine running. Could I help her?

I used to be good with a slim jim, back in the day. Now it's all electronic locks, and I haven't gotten into a locked car in about 6 years. And I didn't get into this one, either. Then I talked to my homeowners insurance, they won't pay for anything since there's no damage to the house. I was able to get hold of a friend who said he could get into the car, and told eldest daughter to wait. Then I took off to Costco to buy a chainsaw, cursing and muttering like Popeye on a Tijuana bender.

Once I got to Costco and started shopping I remembered that I needed to pick up a few groceries while I was there. I looked down into my cart, and here's what it contained:

-A chainsaw

-A double pack of blue 12x16 poly tarps

-A case of beer

Holy shit, I thought, all that's missing is a ski mask and some duct tape. I better get some food in there. So what's the first food I grabbed? Catfish. Great, I have a shopping cart with a chainsaw, tarps, beer and catfish. Too bad Costco doesn't sell shotgun ammo or blasting caps.

Anyway, I finished shopping, I think I've got a tree guy to take down the remaining maple tree, and we got into eldest daughter's car before it ran out of gas. Now I just have to get ready for those high winds and "damaging hail" that the weather folks are promising for tonight.